Chapter One:
Omaha Beach - Dog White Sector
Beyond the nerve-racking silence of all the other soldiers, all I could hear was noise. The roar of water as LCVP's edged closer and closer to the Normandy shore. Today's date is June 6, 1944 and we're scheduled to land at 6:30 am. The LCVP lurched up and down over the rush of the tides and water spilled over my boots. I glanced around me at the other soldiers, and I watched as some stared absent-mindedly at the horizon, kissed crosses that hung around their necks, and studied their shaking hands. I steadied myself and ignored the sound of a man vomiting as my stomach seized with agony.
"You're about to land," said the pilot.
"Move fast." I looked up at the officer addressing us. "Don't waste your fire... good luck men."
I took a gulp from my canteen and breathed slowly as the front of the LCVP crashed into the water. Suddenly, all I could hear was gunfire. The men in front of me were pummeled by bullets. I took a step back as I watched them shake with every impact of metal upon skin. I was going to die today...
In the next second, I'd already made up my mind about doing something crazy in order to survive. I leapt up over the side of the LCVP and dived into the water. The instant I was submerged I could feel the weight of all the equipment I was carrying dragging me down. I kicked my feet as hard as I could and glared up at the surface. No. No, no, no. I pulled and snatched and struggled with my equipment. I was desperate to remove any of the weight. My throat was itching and burning, my lungs screaming for air. I wasn't moving. No matter what I did, I wasn't moving - and that's when I lost it.
I flailed my arms and legs around but could only feel myself sinking deeper and deeper. I think I hit the bottom eventually but the next thing I remember was the salt water spilling from my helmet. I blinked.
There's not much of this story yet, but I have to say, I love it so far. Like you said, you're doing a great job of keeping it realistic, (but also keeping it PG-13 XD). I really like all the description you have, like when you're describing Mark's surroundings in the beginning. It's not boring at all, and it keeps me wondering what's going to happen to him in the next part! Keep writing, and don't leave us hanging~! :)
ReplyDeleteyou know i love this story!! haha i want to here more (so does Nick) haha! It's a really cool story and it has a unique theme. I think you should keep going with it, and really make something of it. So far, it's an awesome story, KEEP IT GOING AND WRITE MORE! :)
ReplyDeleteI am impressed with the description in this story, coming from someone so young. I can tell you read a lot, and reading helps more than anything as far as writing goes! One thing to keep in mind (and this can be done further along in your story) is to explain what an LCVP is. Of course, that's up to you as well. Some people will know, some won't. You could leave it up to the reader to find out.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a good story beginning. You're getting the reader interested, which is key. Remember to go over the book yourself, make sure there's nothing there that bothers you.
Have fun writing! I look forward to reading more.
This is a great start! The action is intriguing, the dialogue is realistic, and your descriptions are on the spot. Keep up the awesome work :)
ReplyDeletewhen im looking for an interesting book,before i check it out i usally read the first page. if i like it and i know i would read the rest, i would check it out. this just might be one of those books i'd take home...so far.! XD
ReplyDelete